John the Eviscerator 2: More Evisceration
by Funda
Summary: I like this one the best. Part two of the epic trilogy


**John the Eviscerator 2: More Evisceration**

John the Eviscerator had just acquired some newly found power that grants him immortality. The first thing he did was jump off the Empire State Building to see what it would be like. Then he did it again because the first time he hit a bird mid-flight. When he was finished experimenting his new powers he began to think of a way to put them to use. Many ideas crossed his mind as the day passed: some good, some evil. Some of these thoughts included stunts in the circus, joining the army, finding a way to pass on his powers, world domination, engaging in scientific experimentation, world domination, and if worst comes to worst helping the elderly; the deadliest and most volatile business in corporate America. One of those, or should I say two of those ideas stuck out to him: World Domination and World Domination.

So the next day John decided to begin his conquest for World Domination and also decided that since America seems to have the most successful and stable government, he would try to gain control of it first. He planned his routes to the White House and realized since he lives in California, it would take a while to get there. This didn't hinder his determination though. After performing a quick midair kidney transfer he decided to put his human flight license (That he acquired through reasons that will not be discussed due to copyright infringement and child abuse laws) to use and began his travels to the White House. When he got there he looked straight into the eyes of the guards, dropping them in a pool of their own organs. When he actually entered the oval office, John was shocked to find the president, already dead, and a sticky note on his head. John read the sticky note and it said that he now had control of America.

After one month of control over America he decided that it was time to take control of the rest of the world. Using the skills he's mastered in psychological warfare (That he acquired through reasons that can not be revealed because of Amendment 6 in the Bill of Rights) he quickly gained control of every other part of the world, excluding Astana because the proportional Joe Ezeh ratio in that area is so small that human life is rendered impossible there. Johns' newly gained immortality has aided him in his conquest and had gotten him out of some tight situations.

One of these situations occurred in the final place John took control of: Japan. When John first arrived in Japan the citizens were well aware of John's plans and he was greeted with an army of 300. The army was far off into the distance heading towards him on horseback, which was odd because they could've just used tanks and land vehicles. As they got closer John braced himself. But as soon as he was ready to attack he heard a noise coming from above. When he looked up he saw a bunch of specks coming towards him, but when he activated his long-distance eyesight, fueled by the radioactive fusion of Joe Ezeh's awesomeness, he saw kunai, throwing knives, throwing stars, katanas, swords, pie-stained kitchen knives, and the occasional flaming Borus, a life form with the nose of a pig, body of a wiener dog, and four stubbed legs (see picture). John though it was also weird that they didn't attack with more advanced weaponry like cannons or guns. As the objects in the sky got closer to John, he realized that he was in trouble. So he used his now super-charged legs to create a rift in the space-time continuum, sending the entire army and the leader of Japan into Fidel Castro's basement, which is currently on Jupiter's third moon for reasons that cannot be discussed due to court confidentiality laws.

John the Eviscerator is now livin' it up. He attends his daily eviscerations and even has time occasionally to polish his legs. World Domination is a simple job for him now that he has created minions that work for him. But one thing still haunts John and that is his father. He had gone to every continent in the world during his conquest and had no success in finding him. So John starts to make plans for finding him, his determination even stronger than before. He has so much determination that he occasionally ruptures our dimension since all that energy is contained in one place. In the finale of John the Eviscerator, John starts his search for his father and unlocks a new power as well.


End file.
